I am an elder millennial as they say. I come from a world where there was no internet and I lived all the blogging eras. I’ve done a lot of things on all platforms the humans created to connect with other people like us. I cannot put into words how important and fundamental all of that was, specially during my high school and those phases where we are so stupidly and naively sure of all the things we have no idea about.
The internet was an explosion of possibilities that you had to be there to understand. You could discover the weirdest niched interests and in some visually hideous forum you would find a mirror for your newfound perspectives in countryside Estonia.
When I made my first blog, on Blogger, the year was 2000 and I was a kid on 6th grade. I had no idea what to write about, what life was like. I had a nice corner of the world for me to post small texts about the episodes from Card Captor Sakura that were screened that day. Or how I found out something totally mundane that shook my 12-year-old mind.
Since that kid opened up the most stupid things for nobody that could lead (and sometimes indeed led) to school bullying, I moved cities and countries. I made a pretty solid career on design and comms planning. I discovered my sexuality. Or better said, what sexuality even was. I had cancer. I had chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I had boyfriends. I married. I divorced. I gave up divorcing to stay married to my best friend. We are now 11 years together and planning a trip to Iceland, thanks for asking.
I also discovered what depression is. What medication can do to help and how to navigate the storms. I discovered what grief and loss can do to our mind. I have not learned how to run totally away from the ghosts that depression install in your soul. My wife is learning it alongside me, how to cheer me up without the normal “Why aren’t you just happy?” It had this phase, don’t get me wrong. But we are on a better place nowadays.
During all my teenage years, I yearned to be recognised as talented in something. How I wrote, how I took pictures, how I made anything. I craved recognition. Never got it. I flopped on all tries. All my blogs and my endeavours. I gave up. I shielded myself and started to fake that I never seek that, and that I didn’t like social media. I recently tried to vanish. I liked to tweet. Twitter died. I killed my profile before that. I was proud to be there since their first years. My account was from 2007 or 2008. I was so sure. I felt like my black metal 15 years old assurance and put my account in the shredder.
Took me years, maturity, therapy and a solid relationship with selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors to allow myself to blog again. I had this desire. This is part of what I like to do. I am not back to make money, with an elaborate roadmap of growth market hacks. I don’t like the Substack guys and their “enabling free speech” that is focused on subscriptions. I have no ambition to charge to anything. What I charge for is my work, that if you are from sports or media markets and need B2B design services or strategy consultancy, just delete the “blog.” from the browser address bar and meet me there.
But I just want to share random thoughts and rants on music, movies, sports and my pictures. Want to find out the best new albums on the Black Metal scene? Here is your place. Dungeon Synth not included, since it is not the True Black Metal. My opinions on the new season of the Swedish Ice Hockey League? This is already the subject for a new post. Which I will start writing right away since I bought a new keyboard that is crazily delicious to type. It is being a sensorial pleasure experience.